Trailer Tuesday, Don LaFontaine edition: in a world where trailers rule...
In a world where once a man with an incredibly deep voice made the voiceover to feel every trailer, Don LaFontaine is a legend. And these are his best trailers.
The man. The voice. The legend: Don LaFontaine. In more than 33 years, he recorded the voiceover for about 5,000 movie trailers and 350,000 TV spots. He wrote most texts himself. In the 1980s, he revolutionised the film and trailer industry. With a single sentence:
«In a world...»
LaFontaine can’t remember which movie he originally wrote the sentence for. But he does remember how it came about: «We have to very rapidly establish the world we are transporting them to. That’s very easily done by saying: ‘In a world where ... violence rules,’ ‘In a world where ... men are slaves and women are the conquerors.’ You very rapidly set the scene.»
The man who is nicknamed «Voice of God» in the industry died in 2008. He was 68.
These are some of his best trailers.
Predator
Don LaFontaine: «In a part of the world where there are no rules, deep in the jungle where nothing that lives is safe, an elite rescue squad is being led by the ultimate warrior...»
I only saw this movie once. At my buddy's house. We were about eight or nine years old. The VHS tape belonged to his dad. And he didn't know that we’d taken it from the «forbidden shelf».
He found out when I arrived at home with tears in my eyes, traumatised by the violence I’d just witnessed. My parents were furious. Sorry. Today, we laugh about it. Especially as «Predator» is in fact a Sci-Fi horror movie, disguised as an action film. But the Schwarzenegger movie includes some of the best punch lines ever: «Get to the Choppa!» – we always say that in the office when it's time for a coffee break or for lunch.
Cinema release: 12 June 1987
Total gross: $98.4 million
Die Hard
Don LaFontaine: «He’s an easy man to like, and a hard man to kill»
In 1988, director John McTiernan didn’t only launch Bruce Willi's career with «Die Hard», he also reinvented the action hero. In the 1980s, figures like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger dominated action cinema.
John McClane is the anti-hero. He's an ordinary man, the right guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. A hero who curses and bleeds and appears human because he’s vulnerable. Then the filmmakers came up with the idea of having the film play at Christmas time – just so they could market it as a Christmas action movie.
Cinema release: 15 July 1988
Total gross: $141.5 million
Batman Returns
Don LaFontaine: «From the rooftops of Gotham, the purrrfect enemy comes to life.»
You know a trailer is perfect if even Don LaFontaine turns the word «perfect» into a long, purred «purrrrfect». In honour of Michelle Pfeiffer, of course. Catwoman has never been this sexy, crazy and dangerous.
The shoot must have been quite exhausting for her. According to IMDb trivia, her costume was vacuum sealed once she was fitted into it. That’s next level skin-tight. And surely not comfortable. Because her skin couldn’t breathe, Michelle Pfeiffer was never allowed to shoot for more than a few minutes at a time. Otherwise she could have fainted.
That's what I call commitment.
Cinema release: 19 June 1992
Total gross: $226.9 million
Speed
Don LaFontaine: «Get ready for rush hour!»
Is it risky to say there’s no faster action thriller than «Speed»?
Okay, no more bad jokes. «Speed» actually has a clever premise: an ordinary city bus has been manipulated with a bomb that explodes when the speedometer falls below 50 miles per hour. That’s scary. Keanu Reeves, bomb specialist, has to avert disaster.
What only really strikes me now is that Keanu Reeves already had badass action hero qualities back then. Not just since «John Wick». Learned something again.
Cinema release: 10 June 1994
Total gross: $350.4 million
The Rock
Don LaFontaine: «This Summer, get ready to rock!»
«The Rock»? The perfect movie. No, honestly. I mean, what's not perfect about it? Tell me. Starring Sean Connery, Ed Harris and Nicolas Cage. Wow. Cursing? Lots of it. Especially from Connery. In the interrogation scene. My friends and I still can't stop laughing about the German version in which he even uses the polite form to address Womack when he calls him a «piece of shit».
«Womack? Nun wundert mich gar nichts mehr, Sie verdammtes Stück Scheisse!»
The action? Yes, those were the days when filmmakers would stage action by hand because there was hardly any good CGI available. But what’s really perfect is Hans Zimmer's soundtrack. Seriously, have you ever vacuumed to this song? Believe me, it takes vacuuming to a new level. Especially in the corners. This will change your life.
Cinema release: 7 June 1996
Total gross: $335.1 million
Next week? It’s up to you. Which topic would you like to read about in the next edition of Trailer Tuesday? Thanks for letting me know by commenting below.
I'm an outdoorsy guy and enjoy sports that push me to the limit – now that’s what I call comfort zone! But I'm also about curling up in an armchair with books about ugly intrigue and sinister kingkillers. Being an avid cinema-goer, I’ve been known to rave about film scores for hours on end. I’ve always wanted to say: «I am Groot.»