Things no-one needs - but we've got them (almost) all!
2.5.2016
Translation: machine translated
Lost in thought, you rummage around in the depths of the online shop and discover a shelf full of products whose function, use and reason for existence you don't know. What's this thing for? Why have they made such a thing? I thought about it.
Older than allowed
A relic of the past: even the T-Rex and his gang of brontosaurs should have smiled when they saw this product. VHS tapes are cult, there's no arguing with that, but a VHS cleaning tape? Anyone who has such an artefact lying around their house and is still using it should immediately contact the University of Geneva's 'extraterrestrial' department so that they can share this find with the whole world. Incidentally, it's one of the only items in our online shop to have a printed use-by date: AD 149.
Doubtful office equipment
In this case, I really had to call on all my Google search skills to find out what the hell this gizmo was for. As a man, just the name of the product made me smile: 'finger humidifier'. And then again when I discovered the product information. Sorry ladies, that's my man humour coming through! Aside from the laughter from the guys and the murderous looks from the ladies, I'm not really sure this product serves much purpose and is still in use today.
Packaging materials
Quantity discount
CHF4.70 per piece for 4 units
Läufer Finger moistener Grip D70mm
1 Piece
Translations and other foreign words
A translation programme? With all the free software, smartphones and the three-week language stay in Cambridge, this software is completely superfluous. It should really be discussed within the company to find out why an item like this is still being made now and why it's still being sold. Maybe that's why its availability is unknown in our online shop...
Rich Kids on the Block
As I write these words, I have to think back to a conversation I had with Sandro, one of our Junior Marketing Managers in the Digital Marketing team. Okay, actually, it was more of a monologue. In a fit of pique, the friendly Bernese gentleman drew my attention to the 'Children's Multimedia' category and said: "Why on earth should a thumb-sucking three-year-old wear a smartwatch on his wrist, when even his parents don't know what their super-intelligent gadget is really for? Especially because watches are generally a lot smarter than the people who wear them!" Don't repeat this, but Sandro had a very difficult childhood.
The embodiment of the absurd
The great classic - no more words needed (unfortunately not yet in our range):
The rout of the download
I never thought there were still storage media with a micro capacity of, I'll say it and write it 2, spelled out "two", gigabytes. Incredible. That's not even enough for half the first season of "put the name of your favourite series here". Every digital native knows that we're not getting anywhere with this, and that the production costs of this nonsense should instead be invested in a corporate exit. For anyone who feels targeted: sorry, but we'll never be able to get anyone out of bed with 2GB again.
Shitstorm in the online store
Last, but not least - a little addendum to sign off this article and by far my favourite: nobody needs to (read) this nonsense. As I've learned from various comments and some colleagues, you just want to spend your dough buying from us and have no desire at all to read endless articles. Okay, I'll take note. Now that's a melodramatic ending! #likeforlikes
Raphael Knecht
Senior Editor
raphael.knecht@digitecgalaxus.chWhen I'm not stuffing my face with sweets, you'll catch me running around in the gym hall. I’m a passionate floorball player and coach. On rainy days, I tinker with my homebuilt PCs, robots or other gadgets. Music is always my trusted companion. I also enjoy tackling hilly terrain on my road bike and criss-crossing the country on my cross-country skis.
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