
Review
A Minecraft Movie: not for me, but maybe you’ll like it
by Luca Fontana
I watched Highlander II rather than Highlander I. What a bad idea that was. I then watched the original as well. I even managed that without alcohol.
This summer I went to Scotland on my holidays. One evening when I wanted an educational way to fill some time, I decided to watch the film Highlander. After all, it’s set in the Scottish Highlands. However, I ended up settling for Highlander II as that was the only one available. I thought it wouldn’t really make any difference – just like it doesn’t matter whether you watch Naked Gun or Naked Gun 2½. But this time it does. The sequel is strange, to put it mildly.
It’s 2024 and the Earth has been under an artificial UV shield for 25 years because of the hole in the ozone layer discovered at the end of the 90s. Some earthlings are dubious as to whether we still need it. At the time, the Highlander helped to build this shield, so he should really help to sort it out now. In actual fact, he’s not a Scottish Highlander at all, but an alien. However, this doesn’t stop the film from interspersing Scottish bagpipe folklore every now and then. At first, the Highlander is old and non-eternal. Just before he actually dies, he’s meant to be killed by alien baddies. But then he becomes young and immortal again. In the meantime, Sean Connery shows up as an immortal alien and then dies. In the end, the shield is removed and all is well.
Doesn’t make much sense, does it? No, I didn’t think so either. After about ten minutes, I didn’t really give it my full attention and was focusing more on drinking as much beer as possible as quickly as possible and bitching about the film to a friend via Messenger. Which wasn’t really conducive to understanding the rest of the plot.
But it wasn’t just my lack of attention that stopped me following what was going on. Film critic Roger Ebert agreed: «Highlander II is the most hilariously incomprehensible movie I’ve seen in many a long day — a movie almost awesome in its badness. Wherever science fiction fans gather, in decades and generations to come, this film will be remembered in hushed tones as one of the immortal low points of the genre.»
Even director Russell Mulcahy thought the film was rubbish. So much so that he wanted his name removed from the credits, and he left the premiere after 15 minutes. The investors had interfered with the production and wreaked havoc. Similarly, lead actor Christopher Lambert wasn’t amused, to say the least.
All of this means I can’t avoid watching the original after all.
The start of the film seems just as incomprehensible as Highlander II. A jumbled rotation of scenes that make no sense on their own. Supernatural things happen in an underground garage, a baddie in sunglasses does back handsprings before being decapitated, cars start by themselves. Then we’re in the Scottish Middle Ages. A few Scots won the war – to go to war again a bit later. To begin with, Christopher Lambert’s performance as McLeod is limited to scowling. He looks nasty at the wrestling match in the police station’s underground garage.
I fear the worst.
But the key difference to Highlander II is that the ambiguities resolve themselves over the course of the film. Most of them, anyway. It’ll forever remain a mystery why buff 80s wrestlers in skin-tight red briefs bring to mind a medieval battle for our server of nasty looks. But these are details.
Little by little, the puzzle starts to become clear. I see more connections between the medieval scenes and the present. For instance, I learn that McLeod is immortal and notice that he also has a nice look on his face from time to time, such as when he’s head over heels in love. I watch as Ramirez, an elder immortal, teaches him sword fighting and introduces him to his own idiosyncrasies.
These include the fact that even immortals can die. In the end, there can only be one, and that’s why they all kill each other until only one is left. So why is McLeod helping Ramirez if they’re all ultimately enemies? This is also explained at some point. The challenge is to prevent the evil immortal Kurgan from being the last one standing and winning the main prize. Because then the world would go to hell.
At the same time, there’s a kind of detective story taking place in the current day. The violent combat scenes and beheadings don’t go unnoticed, especially as they’re held in an unusual setting: slap bang in the middle of a city. Without Brenda, a forensic scientist with an interest in history, the police would be lost. Her investigations are exciting in their own right and make switching between past and present appealing.
Brenda even saves McLeod’s life at the end. She’s a welcome change in this otherwise completely patriarchal film. Only men are the chosen ones who can join the fight for world domination. Obviously. Just as obvious as «the winner takes it all» philosophy, where everyone fights until only one is left to then snag first prize. Monopoly and autocracy aren’t considered problems here; they’re just the accepted state of play. If you want to enjoy this film, you’re best not to overthink it.
McLeod is given the opportunity to die – and this comes with the opportunity to love. Because immortality stops him from forging connections. To put a fine point on the matter, death leads to a happy ending.
And, of course, to family happiness. The fact that immortals can’t have children makes sense. If they were to multiply, there’d eventually be far too many of them. Every square inch of the planet would be populated. We have to die to make way for future generations. We have to die so that others can have their turn of being young.
What starts out as an incomprehensible and seemingly pointless film becomes incredibly meaningful by the end. It even manages to help me come to terms with death. It’s an amazing performance and leaves you with a content, comforting feeling.
Highlander II, on the other hand, becomes even more incomprehensible after seeing Highlander I. What’s Ramirez doing in this sequel? After all, he died in part one. Besides, he’s not got a role to play in part two. All he does is strut about a bit and die again as spectacularly as possible. But why? Probably because he can.
It’s a shame there can’t just be one Highlander film.
My interest in IT and writing landed me in tech journalism early on (2000). I want to know how we can use technology without being used. Outside of the office, I’m a keen musician who makes up for lacking talent with excessive enthusiasm.